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Things to Know Before You Go

Thinking about going to a clothing optional, swinger friendly, lifestyle resort? Perhaps a resort takeover like the Life on the Swingset takeover of Desire? So were we once… Since that time, we have been to numerous clothing optional, swinger friendly, lifestyle resorts and takeovers. Here are a few things we learned along the way and want to share with you to give you a better idea of what to expect and how to get the most out of your precious holiday time!!!

  • Most lifestyle resorts will have a discreet phone number for family/friends to contact in case of emergency. Check the resort FAQ or contact them for this information.

  • When traveling to a resort, consider the travel time, landing time, and jet lag. When traveling overseas to go to a resort, we like to either arrive a day early or often spend a couple days in a location along the way. This allows us to get over the bulk of the travel before getting to the resort and starting our holiday. This way we can be much fresher coming into things!

  • If the resort is in a different time zone, consider that your sleep schedule may be affected due to jet lag and also due to activity times. Often at resorts there are more activities late in the day and into the night, and fewer activities early in the morning. If you are an early riser, there may need to be a shift in your sleep schedule if you want to stay up late and participate in the night time activities until late. Otherwise, seek out other early risers for some morning fun.

  • Importantly, check the resort website or with the event organizer to be clear where sex is allowed. Often sex is not allowed on the beach, so it’s wise to know where play is acceptable outside.

  • Check out if the resort has late night food available. Many do, and it can be a lifesaver when staying up until the wee hours of the morning. Desire has pizza, tacos, and even BLT sandwiches!

  • Most resorts and takeovers will have theme nights to encourage guests to dress up and have some fun with their evening outfits. Theme nights are often available online ahead time so you can plan accordingly. Participation in dressing up is totally voluntary and not required. Some people go all out, some may have an item within the theme, and some do not participate at all. It’s totally up to you at what level you wish to participate.

  • Being at a resort full of people, especially if it’s a takeover with extra activities, can be really full on and at times overwhelming. There are lots of people interactions, which can feel daunting for many of us, particularly introverts. Be prepared to feel this at some point. Even us extroverts can get a bit overwhelmed at some point during the week.

  • It’s okay to take time away. Go to your room, go to a beach bed, take a walk on the beach alone or with your partner. Take the time that you need to be in a good space and enjoy the time there. Just because you are at a resort full of people does not mean you have to be constantly interacting with other people and participating in all events.

  • Don’t overpack! This isn’t a normal vanilla vacation, and you will need very little clothing. Even when planning evening wear and clothing for dinner, keep in mind that you may only be wearing clothes for a couple of hours each night. Some items can be worn again to minimise luggage space. It’s tempting to take all your sexy outfits, but it’s also unlikely you will wear them all. Focus on a few key favourite outfits and toys.

  • Be aware of any dining room/restaurant dress codes. Often guys will be required to wear closed toed shoes, so be sure to pack more than just sandals!

  • Clothing level outside is at your discretion/comfort level. It’s acceptable to wear clothing, swimsuits, bottoms only, or to be nude. All levels of dress (or undress!) will be seen. Sarongs are a lifesaver! We take several with us and mostly wear those during the days when walking around the resort. They are lightweight, easy on/easy off, and can cover as much or as little as needed for the particular circumstance. They also come in all kinds of fun patterns and colours!

  • Check out the tipping policy for the resort before you go. For resorts in North America, tipping is encouraged. When going to Desire, we obtained US dollars prior and used that for tipping bar staff, room staff, restaurant staff, and anyone else we felt deserved it.

  • Most resorts are “all-inclusive” and it can be extremely easy to overindulge. A bar that will continually serve you deliciously sugary cocktails 24 hours a day sounds fantastic; but the last thing you want is to go crazy on the first night and need the next few days to recover. Pace yourself. Drink plenty of water in-between drinks and try to steer away from the more sugar filled selections.

A few thoughts specific to the Life on the Swingset takeover at Desire…

  • Consent is paramount within the Swingset group. This makes one feel more comfortable in the environment and makes it easier to relax.

  • The Swingset group is super accepting (and despite the Desire advertising, not everyone is a super model!). This made us feel at ease almost immediately after arriving at Desire. The level of acceptance within this group made it possible for us to be naked, or near naked, almost immediately.

  • The Swingset organizers plan additional workshops and activities beyond the typical Desire Resort activities. Participation level in these workshops and activities is completely voluntary and different for all. It’s okay to not attend any events. It’s also okay to be a voyeur.

  • Swingsetters are a good mix of swinging, poly, and kink folks. It’s a fun mix of people to allow for different kinds of interactions and to meet people from so many different walks of life.


  • There is a difference between arriving vs ARRIVING. We arrive at the resort physically from the airport and start interacting with others and taking part in events, theme nights, etc. But it may be a few hours, a few days, or even most of the week before we ARRIVE and are really fully present, relaxed, and in touch with ourselves in the environment. Our physical states, our mental states, our emotional states, and everything going on in the background can affect this. Everyone ARRIVES on a different schedule, and it’s okay for that to take some time.

  • Smile! Don’t bring your urban scowl to the resort. We all want to interact with fun, positive people. There’s no better way to invite conversation and personal interactions than by smiling at folks and being friendly.

Most importantly…

Prepare to have an amazing time! Go in with a great attitude, ready to relax, consent-focused, and accepting of yourself and others. A lifestyle resort vacation or takeover can be the most rewarding trip. Soak it all up and enjoy!

~By the Bi podcast


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