Many think of it as that dark secret that we don’t want to talk about. It’s the naughty dirtiness that most of us do not want to mention in public. What is this raunchy act that I’m talking about? Anal sex. Even while writing it I imagine myself whispering it.
We have all seen the scenes in porn where a well muscled fella thrusts his manhood into a willing lady’s backdoor. Many of us have tried to recreate this at home, often ending in pain for our partners and awkwardness for ourselves. Heaven forbid you’re a man who likes HIS backdoor played with! For those gents are commonly ignored or ostracised by society.
We are here to give you some tips, tricks, and benefits for pressing forward and going in through the exit door.
Pre step one. If you are going to be receiving anal pleasure, make sure you have recently attempted to evacuate your bowels and have had a shower to wash up. Additionally under no circumstance should you go from anal to vaginal penetration as there is a great risk for bacterial infections.
Step one, set the mood. Anal play is not something to rush into. Both partners need to be patient with each other and themselves. Light candles, dim the lights, have a glass of wine, and crank up the Barry White before you get it on. Maybe even have a small butt plug inserted for a short time prior to play.
For us, we like to start with a full body massage on her (or him, if that’s the case). Spending 30 to 40 minutes fully relaxing your partner will greatly increase the pleasures of anal penetration later on. Using a massage lotion like coconut oil will both turn on your olfactory lust as well as make a great natural lube for actual penetration later.
Step two, tease. Your goal is to increase blood flow to the complete anal area. Push the cheeks together and “drum” your fingers along your partner’s crack. Allow your fingers to graze ever so lightly over the anus. Slowly run the flat of your fingers or thumb repeatedly over your partner’s anus. Every 3rd or 4th time allow just the tip of your finger to push into their ass for a brief moment before continuing on. The more you prep and tease this area now the more your partner will be begging for penetration later.
Step three, penetration. We like to start with a finger. Let’s step back for a moment and discuss lubrication. It is immensely important to remember that the anal cavity is a non-self lubricating orifice (#NSLO) and that anything that goes into the anus needs to be well lubricated and inserted slowly (#NSLO). Use one and a half times the lube as you think is needed…it’s much better to have too much than not enough. We recommend starting with a silicone lubricant, unless you are using toys and condoms. If using toys or condoms find a thicker water based lube. Communicate with your partner and don't be afraid to ask for more lubrication. Once a finger (or two) have been inserted, wait. Give the receiving partner a few moments to relax and get used to something in their anus. Once their inner muscles have relaxed and they are comfortable with two or three fingers, they may be ready for anal sex.
Position is important. A common problem for pain during anal sex is difficulty relaxing the Puborectalis muscle. One way to ease penetration is by having the receiving partner squat on top of the giving partner. The added benefit is that the receiving partner can move at their own pace, controlling both speed and depth of penetration. If the receiving partner is flexible enough, another great position is where the receiving partner rests their chest on their knees putting their bum in perfect position for the other person behind them. As they get more comfortable with the penetration, it is easy to modify this position to a more typical doggy style position.
Let’s address the prostate for a moment. The prostate is a walnut sized organ just inside the anus, tucked snugly behind the testicles. This organ is often given a clever name like the “Male G-Spot” for very good reasons. Much like the female G-spot, the prostate is a spongy area about two knuckles in on the belly button side of men. Benefits of proper stimulation of this organ can result in fewer trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night, stronger/firmer erections and orgasms, and, as some studies have indicated, reduced risk of prostate cancer. Prostate massage has no predilection towards one sexuality or another. Sexual orientation is not about what you do with your body during sex; it’s about with whom you have sex.
This is the quick and dirty on anal sex and prostate play. The last thing to be said is, “If you don’t like it, don’t feel like you have to do it.’’ Like so many other things out there, anal play isn’t for everyone. We would, however, highly encourage trying it at least once just to be certain.
~By the Bi podcast